It's Friday. Sex?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
