You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
