hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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