Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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