roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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