Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
