That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
