Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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