she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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