Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
