then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
