with your own penis?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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