i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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