Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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