I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
