some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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