Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
