bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
