Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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