so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
