Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
