Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
