Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
