the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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