when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
