R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize