i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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