I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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