My friends, they love my intelligence
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
