Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
