this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
3 2 1 whiskey
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
