8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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