remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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