True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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