Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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