How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize