Yo dont text me then not text me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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