Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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