fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I understand Curling. That high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
