I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just used a chaser for red wine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
