I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
