Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
