Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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