Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
