That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
