There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
