I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
