I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize