We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
