I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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