Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
