I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
