My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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