two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
