I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
