I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
