Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
