OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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