Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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