I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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