Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
