I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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