You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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