My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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