Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
