Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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