Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
