I hate your face
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
