just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My bed smells like the plague
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
