Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
