My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
